Carry On!

Dear Readers, 

This week! I'm back in Rexburg after a long weekend, and I am ready for what I can do! I'm finding more strength to pass through hard things, and as I find it, I see that it comes from within. As I exercise faith in God and in the promises I have in my life, I find that they are always fulfilled. I can always find a way to make it through the hard times, and not by cheating the rules or doing anything less than I should. 

I find that I'm becoming who I want to be, one day at a time. I can't be perfect at everything all at once forever, but I can be better than I was yesterday. I can be more than I was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. I can be the man I want to be, the father I hope to become, the husband I want for my wife, just by doing my very best--and nothing less! 

I will be that man! I can do it! I know that we can all be the person that we want to be by doing little things each day. In a talk I read this week, Richard G. Scott said, "...little things lead to big things..." I have a testimony of that in my life. Doing little things one day at a time is really how we make it in the end, and I am so very grateful for all of the blessings I have for what I do! Calling a friend I haven't talked to in a while, helping out somewhere, or in general just serving anyone I can brings me closer to the Savior! Doing my homework brings me closer to being the provider for my family. 

I am learning each day how to be less selfish. It isn't easy, and requires that I look frankly at who I am, what I am doing, and what I need to change, but I can see that it's working. I can see that, albeit I am flawed, my flaws can diminish a little bit as I work to be better! It's such a good feeling! 

We can all carry on. We can all find that part of ourselves to better. I know it, and I know it about you! You have a great work to do, wherever you are. You have people to save. You have a family to raise. You have friends that need you, and that you need! You can't give up on yourself if you really think about how important each of us is in the grand scheme of things. Sure one person could somehow not make a difference, but if more than one person thinks that way, we're done for! We have to be the strong link sometimes, and sometimes we hold on to the other ones. Never let go though! 

 

I know that you'll do great things, and I plan on being there with you to do them too! 

Happy May everyone! I hope that June brings forth as many blessings as blossoms for you! 

Sincerely, 

Doug Knuth

The Wrong Side of Bed, or the Right Side of Life?

Dear Readers,
I woke up totally unenthused for today. I wanted to go back to bed. I wanted to cover myself up and just not exist for the day. I didn't want to look at the pile of homework I have to work on, think about the laundry that I need to fold, or in general deal with the world. I was rather less than excited about my day.

I got up any ways. I took a shower, and it helped a little bit. I went to the I-Center to study a bit before class, and the balcony that I wanted to use to be alone was locked and so I had to sit in the lobby up there instead. I went to class, and that helped a little more, but I was still a little down. In fact, I might still be a little down. You know what though--that's okay.

I don't have to be 100% all the time. I may not be okay, but that's okay. A friend of mine taught me that this week.

I know though, this phrase can be a little misleading, so I want to elaborate. I have struggles in my life. I face my own dragons and although I know that they can be beaten, some days they look much tougher than others. Even if my best just means getting out of bed in the morning, that's what I'll do. I can do hard things, and some days that's a lot less than others. There are days where I can practically fly I am so happy. There are other days that a smile weighs a ton to wear.

I will never give up on that though. Things may be hard, and I know that at times my life may be hard. I am learning that I have to acknowledge my own hardships, and I feel that I am being drawn closer to Christ through that.

I will never, ever give up, and I will never, ever give up on any of you. There is ALWAYS another day tomorrow, even if that day isn't in this life. We will always be capable beings that can change, for the better or for the worse.

I am leaning more about changing for the better. We can't just deny that a part of ourselves may exist. Saying that we aren't something that we truly are is akin to saying that there are less rooms in our home than there are. Saying that it isn't there doesn't change that it is there, and we can only be complete when we see it as a whole. We can change what we put in the room, or what it's for, but we need to be okay with it being there.

So, that's where I'm at right now, my dear readers. I'm going through it as best I can, and that's all I need. Thank you so much for acknowledging me, thank you for taking the time to read. I wish for you the best day you can have today, and that as you walk along your path you can feel whole with all of your life. After all, it's the only one you've got!

DFTBA!
With much love!
Doug Knuth

On the Corner of the Gall of Bitterness and the Boulevard of Not so Broken Dreams

Dear Readers, 

When the day is long and the shadows fall upon our paths, the clouds gather and we feel the rain adding an extra pound onto our already unbearable load. When the light at the end of the tunnel is dim, and when it seems as though our present struggles will consume all of everything that we have and are, we stare at the world and think. When you can't wrap around the problems you face, and you know that no one could possibly know how you feel, not really, or feel truly alone, sometimes you cry. 

I know these things because I have felt this way. I have had many a hard day in my life. I don't pretend that they're the same as anyone else, or that I can understand the same pain, but I know what mine is like; and I know how hard it can be. I know what it feels like to have the weight of my world on my shoulders, and not in a good way. I know what it feels like to hurt so close to the center of your heart that you don't know if it will ever get better. I know that feeling the way I've felt it, and I know that it sucks. That's the best way to say it that I know. It just sucks. 

I know what it's like to think you'll never be happy again people. I know what it's like to think that everyone hates you just because you're the way you are, or because you messed up. I've done plenty of that in my life, plenty more than I needed to ever do. I've been sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I am tired of it! 

This world will try to kick your butt and shove you around, and push you down until you never want to get back up. I know how that feels too. Not the way you do, but I know it. 

You know what else I know though? I know the following; 

"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. Because they were holding on to something... There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

-Sam, Lord of the Rings

I know that deep in my soul, my friends. Today may be a damned dark and horrid day, but that doesn't change who you are for even a minute. You are a Child of God with a capital C because you are important. The battles you fight are real wherever they may be, and I sure as heaven and hell know of the truthfulness of that. 

Don't you dare give up. You owe it to your parents, friends, children, spouse, to the angels in heaven, to those you love that have passed on, and in general to every single person that ever fought for your freedom to make it. 

There have been too many lives lost, too many chances untaken, for you to give up where you are right now. I love you. I know how hard it is. I'm fighting too. Every day I fight to love myself, and to love my neighbor. I fight to live a happy life that is full of meaning. I fight for the right, for the good, for the beauty, for the joy of life, and I'll fight for yours. 

I never give up. I never will. 

Neither should you. 

Believe. 

Live. 

Love. 

Have joy. 

I love you. 

-Doug Knuth

Just Another Day-Or not- and Homework is a Blessing!!!! Oh, and Happy Thursday!!!

Dear Readers,

We're in to the semester now. We're past the first two weeks and we've hit the chorus to "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel" now. There is a lot of work to be done, and it doesn't seem as though there is enough time to do it all in. It's a little cloudy today, but that's alright! I have amazing friends, a good work ethic (for the first time in my life), and I have God on my side. I know that it's just a Thursday, but that's what makes today so amazing. I can have one of those days that is just another day in my life. I can have a day where nothing goes horribly wrong, and I think that we need to be more grateful for those days!

I mean to say that if the fact that it might rain is the worst part of your day then you're doing pretty good! If there isn't anything huge that's tearing your life apart (and homework does NOT count!) then you should be grateful! That's what I want to focus on! Thank you God for a normal day, one in which I can just be me and--oh wait, I'm going to see the PIANO GUYS TONIGHT! Today is NOT a normal day! It's better than that! Even if it was just another normal day though, I believe that it being a completely normal day makes it that much more special! We can live!

Homework is a blessing, I've come to believe. Please don't misunderstand--I'm still not the best at it. I'm not grateful enough for it, but think about homework. It's there for one reason, so that we can learn! In its very essence homework is an amazing blessing in our lives!!!! We have the chance to work to better ourselves and the world around us, so why should we bemoan our fate? We can enjoy it and even in the case of my math class where I have to love it with a little bit of a forced grin on my face, I'll make myself love it until I do so more freely! I know that it will benefit me!

I hope that everyone's having a great Thursday! Even if it isn't Thursday when you read this, I hope that the nearest Thursday treats you well and that you'll love it!

YOU are great! YOU can do this! YOU are amazing! YOU have a strong heart and a strong will. YOU can go and make the world better, just by being your best self. Don't settle for less than that of yourself or those around you!

I love you!
-Doug Knuth

Weekend Delights, and Renewed Spirits

Dear Readers,

I am a member of the Student Support organization here at BYU-Idaho, and with a great blessing I have been added as a member of the Student Ambassadors Council. This weekend we had a retreat and I have to tell you, my dear readers, I thought that I'd already experienced the greatest feelings I could at this point in my life. I was reminded that my capacity to experience can always be stretched.

We participated in the Quadrant Activity, and it was amazing. Mind you the entire weekend was filled with amazing happy/spiritual times, service, and cookie demolishing, but this was the pinnacle of the whole experience. It was so simple too. Each of us took the time to fill out a simple worksheet that included some personal information and three traits that we love and cherish about ourselves.

We then sat in a circle and began the activity. A person in the circle would say a little about what they had written down along with the three traits that they cherish about him/herself and then everyone in the circle would take a turn and say something that they had noticed and appreciated about that person. Seems simple, right? Well, when there are seventeen people telling you why they love you unconditionally, having met you the day before, you feel special--no--more than that. You feel edified. You know that you are loved, simply for being you.

When the activity began I admit that I wasn't thinking only about the good things. I was wondering what sort of things that people had thought about me, and I was worried. Everyone seemed so kind and loving that I felt quite less than them. Yet when it came my turn to speak I felt the Spirit so amazingly strong. Really. I don't know how to tell you. It was the most amazing feeling. These wonderful people had seen right through me to the heart of the things that I hold dearest. They said things about me that I didn't think anyone noticed. They told me that I was exactly who I hope to one day be. They said the right thing at the right moment. I was overwhelmed with the love that was in the room. I still am.

There are few moments in my life where I knew with some overpoweringly amazing and personal deepness that I was loved for exactly who I am, without any doubt at all in my mind. Saturday May 4th, 2013 was one of those days. My amazing friends (and I use the word friend because I can't think of something stronger than friend to describe the love I have for these individuals) have lifted me in a special way this weekend. I will never forget the things that they've done for me. They've changed my life for the better. That's a big deal for me.

I learned many, many lessons from this experience, and I wanted to share one of them. I happen to worry about what people think too much. I worry about every little thing because I don't want to offend anyone or make them upset. I worry all day about everything, and through this experience I've gained a testimony that people are much better than we give them credit for. I want to love people more and worry less about upsetting them. No one really seems to be upset by the things that I say, and generally people just think that I apologize too much.

I am going to work on having a more positive attitude about the nature of the people around me. Thank you everyone, for teaching me that.

I love you all. (council members, friends, family, loved ones, all of you)
I won't let you down! Have a great day!
-Doug